Without the vessel, there is no beat.

                                                                                             Boy with Horse
                                                                                             Picasso
"String Less"

I search for the pulse
the shudder, the thump, the faint
slow
push

In the moment of climax, crash, impact
disrepair..
I just want to feel

again

I remember the first time it happened -
it was a three sixty
a spin out, a thrust, a jolt, jagged edge and
a gasp of air; you would think -
not

nothing

Each time I reach for it
I scream for it
I rage for it

Apparently,
without the vessel
there is no beat.

                                                                                                           Boy with Banjo
                                                                                                           Donated

The 7th door on the Psych Ward Floor

I am sympathetic rage. I am a swollen nerve, a paper cut, an unfinished Sunday Crossword.
I am the un-used crayon. The sinner. The broken record. Repeating. Spitting. Swallowing. Choking on the splinters. I'm a wood whore. A back door. A fast exit and a quick swing. I am screaming the loudest silence. I am smiling back the tears. I am the crooked pavement hop scotch accident. I am involved and unavailable. The hole that the glue can't squeeze out of. The 7th door on the Psych Ward Floor. The misguided criminal. The backwards chalk line. The cocaine sneeze and the hitchhiked sleeve. I am crisp. Snap Happy. Fuck all.

My blog about a blog about me....The Fox and The Howl

http://www.thefoxandthehowl.com/

Nice Feature about my show True North, at The LAB - Asheville, NC.

Here's an excerpt:

Can you tell us about the little map book and what it means to you?


My dad is a collector, that is what we lovingly call him. He is also a product of the Great Depression so the modern day term would be hoarder. I grew up surrounded by treasures..this is one of them. My childhood home is on a tributary off the Delaware Bay; a ship port. In the town I grew up in the only commerce was a boat yard that salvaged and remodeled old ships, often large ones. We had an old boat yard house on our property that housed my dads antique collection and at one point was an antique shop called the Dusty Dowry. Ohhhhh…the treasures in this old house; from the cherry stairs to the bookshelves stocked with history. I was enamored as a child. This book fell into my hands as if it wanted me to tell it’s story. It has been a model of inspiration since the day I first held it. The journey of a young sailor in the 1920′s and his artful sketches across the map. I fell in love with the ink and verse on paper. It has never left my side since the day I found it. It also defines for me the love my father had for ephemera. Old maps, books, post cards – it is such a part of my childhood to revitalize it into art is my story.

What inspired you to start working with maps and to do this show and how do you go about creating your pieces in thought and process? 

Maps have allotted me travel on a budget. I so want to visit the small towns with big names, the vintage gas stations on an unknown route thru Mississippi. Conversation with locals about what they love and their family routes/roots. They really tell our story and my art is so much about that; about a place in time that has a location that is near and dear to our hearts that defines us in a way. We can’t escape where we are from or where we go no matter how far the distance from each point. Maps give us that defined line. I love that story and it’s so unique to each of us that have traveled a marked path.



Click the link at the top (you may have to scroll over it..it's kinda dark) to read more. Much thanks to Terrah and Christian - the creators of The Fox and The Howl for allowing my story and show to grace their pages. Love what these two are doing creatively for the arts community here in Asheville! xo Make sure you follow their blog...so much incredible art, music, venues and ideas in the mix.

Graphite Girl

I will be your graphite girlfriend

Your pin up perfection 

Lines - 

Sketched over 

Re drawn 

Striped tights I never wore again

Fall in love with my charcoal thighs

My un-drawn eyes

Put me in a box 

Nail me up

A prisoner to your walls

And forever your...

Graphite girl

True North? What is the meaning of this show?

True North.

What does this show mean to me? It has been such a struggle trying to figure out what I'm doing with this art. I still don't know. Honestly, when I think about this month, these past few months, this past year I often feel bad for handling it as well as I have. For finally getting to the point where I have enough information that I finally understand how to choose happiness.

I did The Artists Way January until April of 2014.
I didn't talk about it - (and I talk about stuff because as an artist, a public figure, someone who really cares and wants to make a difference in the goodness that exists (at least in my world - daily) I think that my art and my voice have a visual connection. It's important to me that I use these two things to share the love...)

You see, you aren't allowed to talk about The Artists Way (aka Fight Club..I swear). I did it because I needed something to keep me focused off of what was going on with my dad. I needed guidance and it fell into my lap and it made me do the work. I did the work; it was really hard but I found a few things out about myself that have been holding me back from my purpose, my intent. Obstacles that come my way are always extreme and constant. I've been pissed off for years throwing blame into the sky...the whole why me thing.

Losing the baby last June (note the month) really showed me what it felt like to have a broken heart. It also really made me question this body. It's hard not to put blame somewhere when bad shit happens. I decided, after doing The Artists Way - that I had blamed this body; this amazing creative machine for so much of the pain in my life. The reason why I am a blocked artist is because I haven't honored my body..I haven't always treated it kindly. I've compared my West Coast body to my East Coast body for years.

The Artist Way taught me to take myself for walks and look at the trees, and to spend sweet moments with myself, to spend time on acknowledgement and forgiveness.

After 16 weeks; sure enough - I felt open. I literally had a moment where I felt my heart chakra burst wide open (sorry if I'm being too Asheville for you, but it's the truth). I embraced the opportunity that I had for love...but mostly to give love.

It doesn't always go easy for me...as quickly as I open up I close back up. I decided I wanted to do a fast for the month of May. To finally put into action a system of honoring my body for its creativity. Strengthen the core. Last May was the only full month of my life I was ever pregnant. (Of course..you know where I was when I realized I was pregnant - on a 15 ft. ladder cleaning the top of a vintage bus.) I wanted to stop blaming this body for it's failure to carry a baby and honor it with it's ability to carry this creativity. I told someone this and their reply was "So, you are punishing yourself?"

...and that stopped me.

I thought...am I?

Am I doing it again..without even knowing it am I repeating the behavior that I have been engaging in for years? It kinda put me down for a few days because it's a hard thing to know when you are being an extremist - and as an Aries; I've been known for extremes to say the least. Was I punishing myself..good question. Better answer -

No. Not at all.

This is how I figured it out. True North. What is the reason of this show..this art? I sat here and stared at these maps more than I made art on them this month. I had nothing. I thought the fast would give me the restful time and space to be creative but instead it made me crazy(er). I was foggy, distracted, moody...etc..ALL of the things that come with fasting. In this struggle though and dealing again with heartbreak on a different level I realized something...

because of The Artist Way that there didn't need to be a story about why this is True North.

It really is my True North. Making art is the only thing I need to do. Creating, engaging in creating, looking at art, making art, being art, that's all. True North is exactly that...just doing it. It's right now..I was involved in the meaning of my show...who cares about the show.

Who cares if it's my best work ever, or not, or even if it makes sense to anyone but me...it only matters that I do it. Everyday, all of the time. This body, and treating it kindly, is the only way I can make this art.

"You take care of the quantity, I will take care of the quality". -The Artists Way or God or True Source..whoever it is for you - Mr. Fucking Rainbow.

Yes. I did this for me. All of it. So that I can be better for you. YOU.
Universe. I am inviting love into my life with open arms...and if it doesn't come these arms are strong enough to wrap around and hug myself.

When the hurt of the loss comes in - in any situation now; even the most recent on with Lunar - I let myself revisit crazy fuck all Maryanne and then I pass it thru me and out pops this courageous, kind, amazing person I'm just getting to know.

It's an adventure - True North; my everyday is my best art show. xo

14 miles away from a landfill grave

Hammer
Nails

Open the door, shut the door

Nail the fucking door.

Jump out the window.

Queue "Emergency Exit"

14 miles away from a landfill grave 
Never pawned my watch and chain 
To the landlord living inside my head 
Never paid my rent till the lights went dead 
Then I saw my sign comin' up the road 
A dead ditch waiting for to bury my load 
On the avenues in the plain of day 
I threw a Roosevelt dime in a bucket of rain 

Now hold your hand onto the plow 
Work your body till the sun goes down 
What's left of death is more than fear 
Let dust be dust and the good lord near 
It's a little too much to ask of faith 
It's a little late to wait for fate 
So tell the angels what you seen 
Scarecrow shadow on a Nazarene 

Kindness will find you 
When darkness has fallen 
Round your bed 
Kindness will follow 
Children will wander 
Till 
The end

-Beck 

I'll wear this skin suit to the masquerade

                                                                                                                 " Masquerade"
                                                                                                                    Available 
                                                                                                   *serious inquiries only   

I've crashed into a million pieces 

Every bit as broken as before 

I'll wear this skin suit to the masquerade 

I'll dance Black Swan

Blue

Consequently I'm engaging in disengaging 

If you hadn't noticed me noticing you 

and the pauses in between 

My body shook over and over 

Repeatedly repeating 

And over again

And then nothing

More pauses

Springtime came and went and the pounding in my skull was resolution for the new

Idk lol omg ok, wait for it

.........

Insert eye roll.